You are my Edward but I am your Jacob. ---- I love relating my life to twilight.

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."
- Bob Marley.

My mind has been flying in every direction. I can't stand it. It's always the same thing; yet there is something always changing. I've been very irritated lately, can't sleep, can't focus. I need to talk. I guess it was right, I've changed, changed in the way where I would love for things to be more exciting, adventurous, new.
I want to go back in the past to the best days but i keep dwelling on the past and it isn't getting me anywhere. I need to find ways to impact the future in a productive way.

The weather is getting colder, I hate it.
Yes, I believe I'm going to talk about the boring weather in this entry. No one will want to read it, not that they do if it's any good. So go a head, go check your myspace, or something better than livejournal.

On that note, Lately I've been really happy.
I've been falling hard and fast, And I don't mind one bit.

I miss you terribly. Even though i dont post long-ass entries about my love for you, i truly miss you sooooo much. Yr the best friend in the entire world even though you left me all summer =P
but you're going to be back in less then 10 days so the world can spin again. rock my world baby. ;D

I am sorry about the last entry... i was just blowing things way out of proportion and just letting my feeling out a bit. I am totally 100% over it now.
since the last post, Shannon and Jonas have been hanging out a lot and now are "dating" but if it wasn't for that i wouldn't have been able to go to a party over there at his house a couple of weeks a go. At that party they kind of when off and did their own thing. i was totally cool with that because i knew some of the other people there. I ended up hanging out with Troy most of the night since we went to elementary school together and haven't talked in a long time. We kind of "clicked" at the party (hahahaha) and have been spending a lot of time with each other since.
I'm still not sure what to do from here. I do know that i like Troy. So i guess we'll have to see where it goes.




-----> How do you like that? <-----

So this week has been crazy. I've been hanging out with Shannon a lot and it's been a riot. Last weekend we stop by my neighbors house, (which i've had a crush on since i've been way little) and we stay and talk all night. This was very good because we've been saying how we needed to get out and be around new guys. A few days go by and i check my email and see i have a new message from that neighbor. I was really stoked to see what he was going to say. I open it up to see that he's interested in my friend. I was supper bummed out. She said that she was so sorry and felt really bad about it. They've been texting lately and last night we went back over there. It was fun but i could tell he definitely favored her over me. We leave around 3am and as were walking back down to my house she tells me that she likes him. I was pretty upset because it's not like there's anything i can do about it. This is the fucking story of my life. A guy doesn't like me because I'm one year younger. I even told that to him and his friend last night. "but it's a big year." yeah really? likes say this has been happening to me since i was in 6th grade. Whats the difference between a 6th grader or a 7th grader or a 8th grader, ext. Absolutely nothing! epically since i've been through a lot of shit through my childhood which makes me much more mature than other girls my age.
I just don't get it. I never do.

How come guys always take things the wrong way?
I mean yes, i actually care about my friends. I worry about them. I hope for their happiness. I like to hang out with them. Friends. But no, they don't think that's what you want. I mean sure, I use to like you, a lot but us being friends does that mean i'm not aloud to worry about you when your having a rough time? i don't think so.
Sure, go ahead, don't take any word i say seriously. Like, "i don't care who your with as long as your happy." i mean sure, i truly mean that. i might just be a bitch about it for a while because i think you could do better. But that's what friends do right?
you have no idea how much i try to resists when we get together. It doesn't help you say one thing then do the total opposite. So maybe it's not my friendly skills that are a problem. I'm the one trying to be a good friend. It's you who take things the wrong way and stuff. "We're bad friends."

Last year a bunch of my friends and I were in a park after hours and we received a ticket. That summer Me and J went to court to fight it because we really weren't doing anything bad, just past curfew. They said they'd dismiss it and i thought it was the end of it. No, a few months ago i got a paper in the mail stating that i had to go back. I was pissed. I called J and he had to go back again also. So weeks roll along, and today was the day i had to go. I get to court and there's no sign of J anywhere. I was thinking that he might of called and took care of it that way. He didn't show. I was a little disappointed because i wanted to see him. (yeah, yeah, i know, i know.) So when i got home i was debating whither or not i should text him. I ended up giving in and texting him and i found out this he forgot! How can you forget something like that. I mean, i know he forgets things a lot but shit. So i was like, "What are you going to do?" "Go to jail" I got so upset and i still am. I feel like it's somewhat my fault for not reminding him but he should remember important things like that, i mean come on. I'm just really worried about him. I want to know whats going on.

+ McKenna is leaving tomorrow! ):

Today I was on myspace and even though I should have I went to look at the girl's page. I saw the picture, the comments, everything. I knew I shouldn't have even clicked it. When I went to go back to the homepage it froze. I sat there for a few seconds in anger, like I've been caught. but then I realized it was a sign. I need to stop and take a double take. I sat there for those 3 minutes and found myself OK with that. I wasn't angry, I wasn't jealous, i wasn't feeling guilty. I felt happy that my friends were happy.
Before I've said I disliked that person, I did "dislike" her but it was mostly my jealousy talking. Everyone knew it but I refused to fess up. I just didn't like the fact that I've been played. Not even played, but just uninformed. I was still mad about something that happened a few years ago. I felt like they were secretly mocking me behind my back. Because at that point I was being nice. I'm a very open person. I always say too much. Not knowing who knows what, or in this case who's been with whom. Once I found out i felt embarrassed that I said all those things before. Not that anyone remembered by then. But I was a little kid still, just blabbing like always because i thought i was pretty cool. Then I got myself in a mess, or at lease I thought that to myself. What makes me "dislike" that person though, was the fact that I was spilling my guts out not knowing they use to date. I felt powerless.
Now I have a lot of power. my knowledge of the past and the last few months. I could break some hearts and friendships. I feel like putting that out there, too see how things would turn out but I'm not that cruel. Because how that hurt me, the not knowing... I'm not going to do that. I think it was better not knowing then finding out later.
so maybe you'll find out from someone else. maybe you wont care. maybe you'll figure it out on your own. But I'm not going to interfere anymore. I'm done.
I've seriously been feeling sick over it. Like it's eating away at me.